So as the last entry finished on a good note, it was clearly time for everything to go wrong again. Tuesday after work I decided not to ride, or even bring her into the yard, but just to feed her outside the field at the gate. She didn't want to play the game, and though she was brilliant to catch, an hour after catching her we were still near the herd. She just kept planting and refusing to move, and even my usual trick of walking her in another direction away from the gate wasn't working. I resorted to some fairly ugly dragging, pulling and shouting, and after a while she metaphorically shrugged her shoulders and followed me like a lamb to the gate.

Wednesday, we had the opposite problem. Due to working late in the office, by the time I got to the field it was well past dark, and she decided she didn't want to be caught. She'd put her ears back but let me stroke her neck, then as soon as I moved the head collar to up her head she'd swing her teeth at me, spin away and kick out with her back end as she ran off. This is what had happened when she kicked me badly last month, which was the point at which things started to go wrong with her handling. I was quite unnerved, as my leg was still sore from the previous kick, it was very dark and my head torch gave a kind of tunnel vision, and I had a herd of over a dozen big horses around me, all getting quite excited at the drama. Nonetheless, I persevered with following her quietly, and after a lot of attempts and about an hour, she stood quietly still while I put the head collar on and straight away walked over to the gate with me.

By this point, I was in tears, as I had reluctantly come to the decision that I'd have to admit defeat and sell her on. I'd lost my confidence in her with the fall, lost more with the kick and bite within 24 hours, and now I couldn't even catch her to give her a feed. I still believe that she can become a great horse to handle, but with my new job meaning longer hours, I was having less time to spend with her, and the more time she spent with the big herd, in the very big field, with very lush grass, she was very much enjoying being a horse, and disliking human contact more and more. I gave notice on her livery, fed her, put her back in the field, walked home in tears and cried myself to sleep.

By Thursday morning I'd calmed down, and wasn't so sure about my decision. Yes, I'd felt a huge sense of relief having admitted defeat, but also a huge sense of failure. Plus, I really loved riding her. Decided to have a good chat with Andrea our Yard Manager at the weekend, and work out a plan. That evening, she again didn't want to be caught, and rather than just follow her around, I decide to make her keep moving by swishing the schooling whip around. After a while she just stopped, looked at me, didn't put her head down to graze, but stood still whilst I put the head collar on, and we walked all the way to the yard without a single plant. Having caught her, I made a snap decision. The issue began when we got our big field back, and she was suddenly faced with a huge amount of space and grass, plus the big herd was reunited. So I figured by removing her from the situation, I'd have some time to work with her properly, without fighting her instinct to run back to the herd.

I stabled her that night, and agreed with the YM that for the time being, instead of living out with the herd, she would live in at night, and spend her days in the yardside paddock with the 3 ponies and a couple of other horses. I also admitted that as much as I wanted to do all the work with her myself, I needed help, and would get Andrea not only to turn her out every day, meaning I only need one trip to the yard, but also to have her on livery twice a week, so I get some time off and hopefully not be so stressed about having to go and see to her each night after work. By me being less stressed, hopefully she'd be less stressed, and by being in each night and away from the main herd, I'd be able to try and bond with her some more.

So far, it's working a treat. She was a little stressed in the paddock on Friday, but she's settled in now, and was lovely to handle on Friday evening. Saturday again she was nice and calm, and tonight she was almost a dream to handle - came to call, happy to be tied up, happy to be groomed all over, and just a generally nice horse. I do feel a little guilty about her not being able to be a proper horse out with her herd, but in a few days we'll put her back out there during the day, and like all domesticated horses, it's a balancing act between letting them act as they would in the wild, and getting them to do their job, in her case, to be a nice riding horse. Yes I'm sure she'd love to spend her days doing nothing but eating and playing with her friends, but wouldn't we all...?

Catching/Leading

Friday saw an almost 10/10 for both catching and leading. The herd was up near the top gate, she walked away on my first approach, then stood perfectly still when I followed and put the head collar on. She walked away from the herd immediately on asking, first time that's happened I think, and walked over to the gate with no fuss. One tiny plant on the drive was the only blot. Good girl.

Saturday was a bit of a challenge, as we brought her and Eddy in together and rather than encourage each other, they seem to make each other worse in not wanting to leave etch herd behind. Sunday she came in at the same time as Dexter and was as good as gold - I was even able to put her head collar on from the other side of the fence.

Mounting

Decided to invest in a mounting block to overcome our new found issues. With a moveable mounting block I can position it so that she is between the block and a solid wall and she can't swing her hindquarters out. On Saturday, the first time she walked through the gap as she didn't understand that I wanted her to stop, I re-presented her and the second time she stood still perfectly. Sunday she stood first time, today she walked through again but then stood. Won't go to the main mounting block just yet but I think we've now hopefully resolved the issue. 

Riding

Have had a couple of tense rides on her. Saturday we went out on a walk around the block with Eddy and Heidi. The homing pigeons on the corner were being fed, and the flapping and flying around of hundreds of birds made Q genuinely scared. She felt like she would run off at any moment, yet was listening to me and accepting my reassurances that it was ok. However it meant she was very tense and on her toes for the rest of the ride, and put in a couple of spooks, which she's not done with me before. Was very glad to get back to the yard, which is a shame as I usually enjoy riding her.

Sunday was an unplanned walk around the vineyard with Dexter and Bronwyn. Nice company, easy laid back ride, yet both Q and I were tense, so it wasn't that enjoyable, probably still both thinking of the spooky ride the night before. For the second ride in a row, we just walked, though she was again quite fresh and joggy coming out of the yard.

Today, I got on, she stayed still. I asked her to move off, and she didn't run away from my leg (which she can do at the beginning of rides). She stayed nicely relaxed for pretty much all of the ride. Did the cows loop again, but we were with Tilda, who is a saint of a bombproof horse, and though we had Tilda half a length ahead of Q, she wasn't at all bothered by the cows this time. I think I'll try it another couple of times in company, then take her there on our own. I really enjoyed todays's ride. There was none of the constant tenseness that we had over the last couple of rides, and I just got to remember why I'm persevering with her - she can be a dream to ride, and will became my dream horse, in time.

Catching

Since the field safe headcollar went on, she’s been fine to catch. A flick back of the ears maybe on approach, but a stroke of the neck followed by holding the headcollar and she’s mine. I’m not a fan of headcollars being left on as I’m worried they’ll rub, and sure enough after a week she had an oozing wound on her chin. As I was planning on escorting someone on a hack the following morning and so wanted to be sure of catching her, I left it on for one more night, with the wound slathered in cream, and since then have taken it off. Would is drying up and healing nicely.

Since it has been off, she has reverted a little (probably as without being able to hold her head securely, I’m still a little apprehensive about staying close to her in case she spins round and boots me again). But generally, if she walks away it’s been a maximum of 2 or 3 times, then I stroke her neck, move my hand to her face, then quietly lift her head to put the head collar on.

Leading

I spent a few days just catching her and leading her around the field, close to the herd then moving further away, but without actually taking her out of the field. Though she initially planted a lot, as each session progressed she became a lot more responsive and willingly walked/trotted/halted alongside me as soon as I asked even moving away from the herd and working some distance away. After a few days of this I brought her in, and once she was away from the herd, I only had one more plant, the next day there were none. She’s still sticky leaving the herd, but every time she stops I turn in another direction and get her to walk with me. It means bringing in takes much longer, but I’m no longer trying to drag her in – at 6-7 times my weight, there’s no use trying to win against her with physical force. The improvements continued, but last night the herd were split and scattered along the length of the half mile long field, and many were on the move, so it took a lot longer to get her to the gate, plus she had a few plants on the bridlepath up to the yard, something she’s not done for a week. But, she did get there.

Taking her back out to the field, she’s wonderful. If I stop, she stops within a stride. When I walk, she’s with me within a stride. She’s definitely keen and willing to please, but we need to work on her attention being on me rather than where her herd is.

Lunging

Decided on Monday to lunge her, as a way of still working with her but avoiding the nerves of mounting when alone. This didn’t quite go as planned, as I’m not sure she’s ever lunged before, and she really didn’t get it and just followed me around. As I’ve spent the last 3 weeks getting her to walk with me and respond to what I do, I didn’t feel it was appropriate to suddenly  send her away from me, so lunging can go on the back burner for now. I just did some in hand work with her and called it a day.

Riding

She has almost always been great to ride, apart from the fall which was more of a collection of unfortunate circumstances. Last week however, the nearby football club had an evening match on, complete with noisy crowds and loudspeakers. Q heard them whilst tacking up, and to a horse that raced as recently as last autumn, it was quite exciting! Getting on was ok, but she immediately started bouncing around and leaving the yard was a mission – she spooked at the cat, she spooked at the black bags of hardcore stacked up against the wall (they were new, she’s fine with them now), she was going sideways, backwards, forwards, up, down. Someone from the yard kindly grabbed her and walked me out onto the drive, then within 40 yards or so she started to relax and I continued alone. Was going to do the ‘short triangle’ a not even 10 minute long ride, just to have got her out, but when I got to the entrance to the vineyard, I decided to go for longer. Was tempted to do the whole vineyard loop (but in reverse to the ‘fall’ route) however when we got into the field two other horses from our yard were on their way back, and as she was already very tense and joggy, I decided not to push my luck and did a short loop down to the bottom. Going up the hill was a bit of an experiment, as I wanted to see if she’d get strong and try and tank like before (was on a different uphill, and it was not grassy so I felt I could get her back if she did). I asked her to trot, and she was very keen, but stuck to a trot and then slowed with me as I slowed my rising. We got back to the yard still a little tense, but successful.

The next time I rode was Saturday morning, accompanied by Charlotte riding my Tilda, as her own horse is currently out of action. Getting on was an issue. Previously she’s been angelic at the mounting block. After the first few times, once she realised what it was all about, she stood rock steady, even waiting until I’d sorted her girth out before asking her to move away. Today she kept turning her quarters away, I kept re-presenting her at the block and eventually had to get assistance from someone on the ground. She was then bouncy leaving the yard, but again started to relax once we were 40-50 yards out. Today we did a longer ride, about an hour, on a nice walk and trot route. She was still a bit fidgety waiting to cross the road, but I’m used to just waiting at the side until someone takes pity on me and stops their car, maybe I need to be more assertive and ask the traffic to stop so we get across quicker. She was good in walk and trot both in front and behind, and again very responsive to my seat and legs. I want her to be happy with hacking anywhere, with anyone, and in any place in the ride. So far, so good.

She’s pretty much bombproof, but a few weeks back she goggled at some cows, and ran backwards until we got a lead past from another horse. Today we passed a sheep and 2 newborn lambs leaning against the fence, and she shot backwards. Not wanting to make an issue of it, I asked Charlotte to keep walking Tilda straight past, and Q followed happily. On the way back she didn’t even look at them.

Sunday was another hack in company, escorting Eddy for his first ride out with Heidi. Again we had issues getting on, and needed assistance from the ground, but today, once I was on, she was perfect – stood completely still even in the yard for a few minutes as Eddy was getting very excited about going out. Leaving the yard and on the rest of the ride she didn’t put a foot wrong.

Last night I’d arrange to ride with Emma on Millie. Though I much prefer to hack alone, I’m trying to stick with company on Q at the moment for safety’s sake, and so am seizing every opportunity for company, even if I don’t want to ride. Which I didn’t. Yesterday I didn’t want ride to at all. Not helped by not having much to do at work, my under occupied brain decided to occupy itself by getting myself worked into a big old nervous wreck, and I kept checking my phone every few minutes hoping for a message from Emma saying she had to cancel. By the time I reached the yard in the evening I was fighting tears.

She wasn’t great to catch or bring in – certainly the worst since I’d started all the fieldwork with her. But was ok to tack up etc, and Claire was helping me, trying to calm me down as she’s been through similar issues with Barack. Getting on she didn’t want to even go near the mounting block, so though I’m generally against using food as a reward, Claire got a handful of mix, we encouraged her to walk to the block, and I was on. I’d rather not have to do it that way, but my way wasn’t working, so? I’m a bit bothered by this mounting block thing, as it’s only been in the last week, and previously she’s been so good. I don’t know what’s changed in her mind.

Once I was in the saddle, she was fine, even walking out of a very busy yard, squeezing between the farrier’s van and a pony, past a few horses, and through lots of people and children. Emma and Millie had hacked over to ‘collect’ me, so I had a lead out of the yard but she seemed ok anyway, if a little bouncy. She soon settled though, and was nicely relaxed for most of the ride. Did the Mickleham Priory loop, which she’s seen once before, when she ran backwards on seeing some of the cows. She was fine all the way down to there, but when we got to a place where the cows were near the fence, and there were some walkers next to it too, and Millie decided ‘no’, Q played along and started shooting backwards, at one stage into a tree. Emma and I spent a few minutes getting a few forward steps, but the girls were making each other worse. The walkers moved out of the way and one of them came back to give Millie a lead, but then Q decided it was ok after all and walked ahead of him. I was very pleased with her for that. I’m not bothered at this stage at her reluctance to move forward, as it’s genuinely when she sees new things (different lot of cows to last time, and they were right next to the fence, and Millie was planting), but the running backwards slightly unnerves me as I’m not used to it. She moves forward quickly though, and if we have another horse that goes straight past, it’s over and done with in a split second. It’s only 3 times she’s done it, all very new experiences. I’ll take her down there again soon and see if she goes straight past next time.

She was a bit heakshakey and unsettled on the way back, but still good and listening, so no worries there. Two things have pleased me about my own riding recently – once last week when she saw a cyclist coming towards us, I felt her hesitate and within a split second had squeezed her on to make nothing of it, and yesterday when trotting, she spooked at something, shot onto the verge and threw her head up – I lost a rein but without breaking our trot rhythm gathered them back up again and carried on. Previously my reactions to both would have been a lot slower. I’m trying to not make anything a big deal with her, so quick reactions are important to me to make potential ‘things’ into nothing.

When we got back alongside our fields, the herd were having a run around, and I was a bit nervous about her trying to join in. Completely unfounded, as she didn’t even particularly tense up. Millie walked between us and the field as an extra barrier, but she was absolutely fine. Then Millie went her way, and Q happily walked back to the yard on her own. Calmest feeding yet, not even ears back, perfect to turn out, and I went home with a smile.

As always, comments and advice would be very welcome…

So yesterday I planned to bring her in as my (very vague) routine hints at Q being in on Friday nights and Tilda on Saturday nights. I discovered the field fencing had been redone and they now had access to the patch at the end which contained some very rich lush juicy grass. As I approached, one of the geldings walked up to her and she squirted so I instantly decided that today wasn't going to be about battling to get her in and make her leave the big herd (and the boys) and spring grass.

Instead I put the head collar down, and slowly got closer to her without being threatening, until I could stroke her neck and then picked her feet out, which she offered willingly. Then just stood close by, moving away and back again, stroking her neck for a bit longer. That was it, but we didn't have any big disagreements.

This evening, having given Tilda a night in last night, I again decided to bring Q in, and then could ride her first thing tomorrow without worrying about being able to catch her first. I had a shopping spree at the tack shop earlier, which included buying a field safe head collar that I could leave on her (on a temporary basis until she's handling better) and so be able to get hold of her easily and quietly without her spinning off in reaction to the head collar being brought up to put over her head.

I'd decided to put the head collar on her when I turned Tilda out earlier in the afternoon, and then leave her there without bringing in - meaning she doesn't always associate being caught with being dragged in, and it would also be easier to get hold of her later with the head collar already on. Luckily for me, they'd all been spooked by some intruders in the field and she was happy for me to put the head collar on without even putting her ears back let alone turning on me or running away.

So this evening they were back in the rich patch, her head collar was still on, and as I approached her and stroked her neck, I could feel her begin to move so I gently moved my hand to the noseband and she looked most surprised to be held down. But once she realised, she was immediately accepting and there was no aggression or even real grumpiness. She still didn't want to leave the herd to walk up to the yard though, and I had trouble getting her to move even a few steps away. Knowing that quite a few other horses in the herd were doing the same thing at the moment, and refusing to come in for their owners, I decided to change my game plan, and instead of dragging her to bring her to the yard, I'd get her leading next to me, at my command, but still within the area of the herd.

Initially she still planted, as I was still trying to move her in the direction of the yard, but then I turned her round and discovered she was actually quite willing to go where I went. It wasn't perfect, and we still had a fair amount of short plants, but overall she did what I told her. We spent 15 minutes or so walking around and halting, then finished off by doing walk/halts going away from the herd who had by now moved to the other side of the field, and when she consistently walked on when I asked, I turned her back to the herd, walked her back and took the lead rope off. Patted her, said well done and walked away. She was much better with me by the end of the session than the beginning, which I will take as a positive, but I'm a little concerned that I'm being too much of a pushover and/or wasting my time. Yet the alternative would have been dragging her in, both of us getting frustrated and reinforcing negativity between us.

I would welcome some opinions please, as I think I may be getting my knickers in a twist over nothing. I'm happy to be flexible with her in terms of riding/handling/training - I don't have any great competition ambitions, I don't have a target goal, I don't need to see loads of quick progress but I absolutely don't want her going backwards from where she is now. Doing groundwork just in the field with her means she doesn't get fed each day, but the spring grass should make sure she doesn't drop off without the additional hard feed, and though she won't get her oestrus supplement, *shrug*, she's only been on it a few days. Is only playing around with leading her/doing transitions in the field for a while likely to turn her feral again? I was thinking if I spend a few days getting her happily walking away from the herd with me, increasing the distance away, then bring her in for a feed? I do think this is a temporary issue, given that many of the other horses in our herd are also refusing to be caught or refusing to come in, and mare owners around the country are complaining of moodiness, also this is coinciding with my fall and subsequent loss of confidence. I'm happy to miss out on riding her etc for now, the only thing I don't want to do is ruin her.

3rd April update

Catching:

Today she didn't want to be caught. I'm very wary of her back legs as the pain from the last kick is still evident on every step I take, so I wasn't forceful with her and I moved away from her as she turned and walked off. Each time I followed her (out of kicking distance!) talking to her constantly. Though she would let me stroke her neck, she moved away as soon as I brought the head collar up. I don't want to make sudden 'grabby' movements with her as I don't want to teach her that snapping etc is ok, so I just patted her again before she moved away and then continued to follow her. Usually this only takes a couple of goes and she'll then stand quietly while I put the head collar on, today it was about 5 minutes, but she was in an open area of the field, with lots of horses around, and one (D) seems to have fallen in love with her and was getting in the way, plus they all started hooning around a bit. But after a while, I walked up to her, this time she didn't move away, and the head collar went on nice and smoothly.



Leading in: 

She's taken to planting a lot recently, so that bringing in becomes a frustrating combination of gently pushing her from side to side to get her off balance and moving, so that the momentum can be used to get her going forward, and her then planting again two steps later. She's not scared, it's nothing to do with the other horses around  she'll walk fine for a couple of minutes then just plant every other step for a minute, then walk on as if nothing had happened. Today she planted a couple of times but then D decided he had to follow her every step and then the rest of the herd decided to head our way, so she was actually walking quite fast to the gate as they hooned past. Couple more plants on the bridge but D was pacing and calling to her as we past the field/river border. Fine the rest of the way with no more plants.



Grooming:

Mostly fine. Fussy with brush above her feet so used my fingers, which worked just as well. Tried a shedding blade on her for the first time. Was fine initially, then she realised it wasn't a brush, threw a tantrum and cow kicked out, just missing me as I jumped back. I shouted at her and tapped her quarters with the shedding blade then walked to her head to reiterate the 'no' message in a firm voice. She jerked back, presumably thinking I was going to hit her head. I moved into 'her' space, talking to her more gently, and when she realised I wasn't hitting her she put her ears forward and rested her nose on my chest - she's never done that before. It's reactions like this that make me think she is genuine and really does want to please - she just doesn't understand everything yet and her instinct if she's unsure of something is to quickly get frustrated and hit out, whether with her teeth or feet. With feet picking for instance, when we were getting used to each other, once she realised I did them all in the same order, she was so eager to please that she'd pick one up, then snatch it down again a moment later, and pick the next one up, as if she wanted to show me how good she was. (Now she does actually wait until I release each foot...)


Moving over:

I've been working on moving her body over for some time - any pressure on her side was previously met with her kicking out, ears flat back, head swinging round and threatening me with her teeth. Today I asked her to move over 3 times, and got 3 moves over. Yes, with a bit of swishy tail and a grump, but she responded to each request quickly and correctly. She put her ears forward when verbally praised - she usually has her ears back when around people (not when ridden though)


Riding:

I led her into the school area (her second time in the school), as the ponies were in the paddock and no-one was around to do the gates for me. The main field horses were gathered in the area just on the other side of the river, and D was calling to Q as soon as we got into the school. Q was very tense and looking at the herd so I walked her round in hand once then got on. She was still tense, but with lots of walk-halt-walk transitions and turns around the school she started to relax enough to do a couple of tester trots, whereas I had only planned on walking, and she was fine. 

I'd always done rising trot with her so far out hacking, with sitting being a signal to come back to walk. Today I tried walk - sitting trot - walk, first with my voice and hands backing up my seat, then after a couple of times with my seat only - she responded really well. It's things like this that make me want to persevere with her - she definitely can be the responsive, sensitive, dream riding horse that I want, I just need to put the solid foundations in before I do too much with her. Ultimately I want to just 'think' something and her do it, and she's showing signs of being able to do that - we just need to properly get to know what each other means.


Feeding: 

For the first time in ages she was almost totally calm when I fed her - she's usually very 'foody' and aggressive at feeding time, and whether tied up or in her box, does a little 'dance' involving jumping up and down, baring her teeth and swinging her head all over the place that actually looks very threatening. None of that today, just a little ears back, which is standard for Q in general.


Thoughts:

Since I posted about being scared of her, I've being doing a lot of (over-)thinking. The main reason why I'm so scared of riding her now, given that she's pretty much bombproof, does no acrobatics, and is mostly very responsive, is, I think, the 'what if' and safety aspect. I know I was so lucky when I had my fall that the ground was so soft, and that someone saw what had happened. But I'm usually at the yard on my own in the evenings, hacking out alone, and now I coming home to an empty house. If anything happened when out riding on her, no one would know we were missing to raise the alarm. And given that the site of my fall is 5 minutes from home and on almost all the hacking routes, there's no avoiding the area. Either I do a short ride around the vineyard, the exact route I did when I fell, or I do a longer ride crossing a busy road twice and still coming back along the 'fall' stretch of the vineyard.

But in the last week or two, the schooling area has dried up enough to be reasonably rideable. If anything happens in there, I can bail (and hopefully roll next time!!!!) if absolutely necessary, and she can't get out of the stable yard due to the fencing, so there would be no danger of her getting loose and causing an accident to a third party. So it's fairly 'safe'. Plus the likelihood of her thinking 'woooooo, galloping place' in there is low! So the plan is, if no one is around in the evenings, I won't go out, just in case. It means we'll have loads of opportunities to get to know each other inside out (even if we get a bit bored) and when the evenings get that little bit longer, and we can start venturing out with others, we'll be that much more confident about getting home still together.

Having rationalised the riding side, I can deal with the groundwork side more easily. I was freaking out about freaking out, and of course that was making her more tense and making me freak out more. Yes I had a bad 3 weeks with her, but those were the first real bad things that happened. There is no pressure to rush to the yard from work, drag (literally!) her in from the field and go on a mad long fast hack. Tonight was lovely - just a relaxed groom and pamper, a little ride, and nice dinner. We can do it. We know that. We just need to do more of it.

I'm still scared of her though...

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