So as the last entry finished on a good note, it was clearly time for everything to go wrong again. Tuesday after work I decided not to ride, or even bring her into the yard, but just to feed her outside the field at the gate. She didn't want to play the game, and though she was brilliant to catch, an hour after catching her we were still near the herd. She just kept planting and refusing to move, and even my usual trick of walking her in another direction away from the gate wasn't working. I resorted to some fairly ugly dragging, pulling and shouting, and after a while she metaphorically shrugged her shoulders and followed me like a lamb to the gate.

Wednesday, we had the opposite problem. Due to working late in the office, by the time I got to the field it was well past dark, and she decided she didn't want to be caught. She'd put her ears back but let me stroke her neck, then as soon as I moved the head collar to up her head she'd swing her teeth at me, spin away and kick out with her back end as she ran off. This is what had happened when she kicked me badly last month, which was the point at which things started to go wrong with her handling. I was quite unnerved, as my leg was still sore from the previous kick, it was very dark and my head torch gave a kind of tunnel vision, and I had a herd of over a dozen big horses around me, all getting quite excited at the drama. Nonetheless, I persevered with following her quietly, and after a lot of attempts and about an hour, she stood quietly still while I put the head collar on and straight away walked over to the gate with me.

By this point, I was in tears, as I had reluctantly come to the decision that I'd have to admit defeat and sell her on. I'd lost my confidence in her with the fall, lost more with the kick and bite within 24 hours, and now I couldn't even catch her to give her a feed. I still believe that she can become a great horse to handle, but with my new job meaning longer hours, I was having less time to spend with her, and the more time she spent with the big herd, in the very big field, with very lush grass, she was very much enjoying being a horse, and disliking human contact more and more. I gave notice on her livery, fed her, put her back in the field, walked home in tears and cried myself to sleep.

By Thursday morning I'd calmed down, and wasn't so sure about my decision. Yes, I'd felt a huge sense of relief having admitted defeat, but also a huge sense of failure. Plus, I really loved riding her. Decided to have a good chat with Andrea our Yard Manager at the weekend, and work out a plan. That evening, she again didn't want to be caught, and rather than just follow her around, I decide to make her keep moving by swishing the schooling whip around. After a while she just stopped, looked at me, didn't put her head down to graze, but stood still whilst I put the head collar on, and we walked all the way to the yard without a single plant. Having caught her, I made a snap decision. The issue began when we got our big field back, and she was suddenly faced with a huge amount of space and grass, plus the big herd was reunited. So I figured by removing her from the situation, I'd have some time to work with her properly, without fighting her instinct to run back to the herd.

I stabled her that night, and agreed with the YM that for the time being, instead of living out with the herd, she would live in at night, and spend her days in the yardside paddock with the 3 ponies and a couple of other horses. I also admitted that as much as I wanted to do all the work with her myself, I needed help, and would get Andrea not only to turn her out every day, meaning I only need one trip to the yard, but also to have her on livery twice a week, so I get some time off and hopefully not be so stressed about having to go and see to her each night after work. By me being less stressed, hopefully she'd be less stressed, and by being in each night and away from the main herd, I'd be able to try and bond with her some more.

So far, it's working a treat. She was a little stressed in the paddock on Friday, but she's settled in now, and was lovely to handle on Friday evening. Saturday again she was nice and calm, and tonight she was almost a dream to handle - came to call, happy to be tied up, happy to be groomed all over, and just a generally nice horse. I do feel a little guilty about her not being able to be a proper horse out with her herd, but in a few days we'll put her back out there during the day, and like all domesticated horses, it's a balancing act between letting them act as they would in the wild, and getting them to do their job, in her case, to be a nice riding horse. Yes I'm sure she'd love to spend her days doing nothing but eating and playing with her friends, but wouldn't we all...?